I saw you for the first time in about three weeks. This shouldn’t have been how I got to see you but it was. There were so many things I wanted to say, things I wanted to tell you but when I got up there and saw you I froze. It just didn’t look like you to me. You looked cold. And I know it sounds stupid but I’m just so used to always seeing your bright and shining face with that perfect smile. I should have known that wasn’t what I’d find. But I got to see you nonetheless. And I did get to say I love you. It hurts so much Aidin, but hugging and crying and even laughing with all our friend’s today gave me some hope that we’ll be ok. I wish you could have been part of it but if you could it wouldn’t have happened. And that’s what sucks. We never appreciate who we have enough when they’re with us and it breaks our hearts when they’re gone. Well Aidin I promise I’ll try to appreciate the ones I have more because maybe if you knew before, how much we appreciated you, you’d still be here. Regardless though you aren’t, and it sucks, and I miss you. I just keep waiting for you to pop out and call me an idiot like old times. but talking to you er writing, whatever you wanna call it, it helps. Love you Aidin, rest in peace please.
Tonight I promise I tried to wrap my head around this. I tried to grasp that you’re actually not here anymore but it didn’t work. In fact hearing all those memories and sharing stories made it feel like you were there even more. I miss you Aidin and I always will. Please, I’m begging you. Don’t let me forget your voice. Stop by in a dream sometime cause you’re always welcome. I love you so much.
I can’t. I can’t do this stupid assignment because it has nothing to do with you and you’re all I can or even want to think about Aidin. I just want you back. Today I met your family. I shouldn’t have had to meet them like this Aidin. I wish you could see them now, I know if you could you would take it back in a heartbeat, but you can’t. That’s the worst part of all this Aidin, didn’t you get it? It’s permanent. You’re never coming back, you only get one chance. Why couldn’t you wait just a little longer? It would have gotten better Aidin, you could have asked for help, no one would deny you because we all loved you. We still love you. We love you so damn much it hurts every single part of us. My biggest regret is letting us drift when you left. I want you to know you were the most amazing guy ever and I never found the slightest thing I didn’t like about you. I want you to know how much I missed you when you left Lee and how much i miss you now that you’re gone. There are so many things I want you to know but I want to tell them to you. I want to be face to face again. God Aidin, I miss your voice, and your smile, and just all the sarcastic and rude remarks paired with that warm kind-hearted smile that always let me know you were just being you. Aidin you were such a good friend of mine but we weren’t best friends or family and I cannot imagine what those even closer to you than I are feeling because I know it’s been hell for me. I just wish you could come back and see how many people care about you. I don’t know if it would change anything, but I’d like to think it could have saved you from yourself. I just miss you so much, every single little thing. I’m so sorry for all the pain you carried with you and hid too well. I love you Aidin and I just wish I had more time to sit and think about you, remember you, cry for you. I just want the world to stop so I can focus on you and our memories and saying goodbye. But life keeps moving on and that’s the shitty part about time, it doesn’t stop for anyone. I could sit here postponing this IA for another hour or two (which I probably will because let’s face it if you were here you wouldn’t do it at all lol) and writing out all these thoughts and feelings but at the end of the day words are just words. And although you are worth every single one, they won’t bring you back. And that’s all I want Aidin, I just want you back but that isn’t possible so I have to learn to accept it somehow, someday. I guess talking to you helps but there’s just so much left to say. So i’ll finish this assignment (you better be proud if I really do) and talk to you alone tonight, there’s so much to say. I love you forever and always.
It hurts so much. My eyes hurt from crying, my head hurts from thinking about you, trying to understand, everything hurts. I miss you so much already, I just keep staring at your pictures wishing you were still here. I still don’t believe it, I don’t think I’ll ever accept this. Aidin, honestly why? Just one more year and we were done, we were gonna graduate together, you said you were coming back to Lee. You were supposed to walk with us. I just don’t understand. We loved you, we would have been here for you no matter what. I’m speechless and numb more than anything. I don’t want to go to school and listen to people pretend to know how it feels and tell me you’re in a better place. You’re place is supposed to be here, with us. And I know I said those same things when Abe passed last year but I just didn’t understand how it felt. Now you? I can’t handle this Aidin. You were such a good friend, I wanted you to come back to Lee so we could get closer again like freshmen year. I wanted you to go to school with us, party with us, graduate with us. Why did you have to leave so soon, and like this? I miss you so much Aidin. So much it hurts and I don’t think it’s ever going to stop.I’m not mad at you, I know you must have been hurting too, I know you couldn’t have been okay. I just wish I knew, I wish someone knew. I wish you said something so you could still be here now. God, I miss you Aidin, I’m sorry I didn’t come over Saturday. I didn’t know it would be the last time. I’m sorry Aidin, I’m sorry you were in so much pain you felt you had to do this. I just want you back, and I can’t even accept that you’re gone. I miss you and I’ll love you forever.
